If you’ve ever handed your toddler the wrong color sippy cup and watched their world crumble, you’re not alone. Parenting a toddler is like negotiating with a tiny, irrational dictator who runs on fruit snacks and pure chaos. One minute, they’re hugging you like you’re their whole world, and the next, they’re screaming because their banana broke in half. As a mom of four children, I know this song and dance all too well. So, what’s actually happening in their little minds, and how can we, as exhausted parents, keep our sanity? Or at least try.
Understanding Toddler Logic (or Lack Thereof)
Toddlers live in a world where emotions rule everything. Their brains are still developing the ability to manage big feelings, which means frustration, excitement, and disappointment all come out at full volume. Even if they want to make you happy, they simply do not have the tools to do so yet. Imagine if your boss told you that you couldn’t drink coffee in the morning—you’d probably want to throw yourself on the floor and cry too. Honestly, sometimes I hide in my room and throw a little tantrum on the floor all by myself. Don’t tell my husband.
How to Handle Toddler Tantrums Like a Pro (or at Least Fake It)
- Stay Calm (Even When They’re Losing It)
Your toddler feeds off your energy. If you freak out, they’ll only escalate. Take a deep breath, channel your inner Zen master, and respond with calm reassurance. I realize that sometimes it is challenging to stay calm. It is always acceptable to take a few minutes to calm your own emotions too. - Offer Choices (But Not Too Many)
Toddlers love feeling in control. Instead of asking, “What do you want for breakfast?” (which will lead to a 20-minute debate), try, “Do you want oatmeal or toast?” Giving them a small sense of control can prevent meltdowns. I have personally found that offering two choices to my toddlers (and big kids) eliminates so many battles throughout the day. Give it a try! - Acknowledge Feelings (Even the Ridiculous Ones)
Saying “I see that you’re upset about your banana breaking” might feel silly, but it helps them feel understood. Validating emotions is crucial for healthy development. And honestly, haven’t we all been personally victimized by a crumbling granola bar at some point? - Pick Your Battles
Does it really matter if they insist on wearing a Batman costume to the grocery store? Some things just aren’t worth the fight. My daughter went through a phase where she absolutely refused to wear pants. If it wasn’t a pink or purple sparkly dress, she wasn’t wearing it. And you know what? We survived it. Save your energy for the big stuff, like making sure they don’t eat Play-Doh for lunch.
You’ve Got This (Even on the Hard Days)
Parenting a toddler isn’t for the weak, but the good news? This stage doesn’t last forever. One day, you’ll look back and miss these wild, unpredictable years—tantrums and all. And until then, there’s coffee, deep breaths, and the knowledge that you’re doing an amazing job. If you’d like to explore this topic further, keep reading for some literature I highly recommend.
Here are a few of my favorite books that offer some practical guidance and advice on these challenging toddler years!
- The Whole-Brain Child
Authored by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, this book delves into 12 key strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind, promoting healthy emotional and intellectual growth.
2. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Written by Janet Lansbury, this guide emphasizes respectful parenting techniques, focusing on understanding and addressing the root causes of challenging toddler behaviors.
3. How Toddlers Thrive
Tovah P. Klein provides insights into the world from a toddler’s perspective, offering strategies to navigate common challenges and support your child’s growth.
Also, if you just need some fellow mommas to relate to during this season of life, subscribe for more content!
xoxo,
Motherhood Unfiltered
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